Stories about my sister.

From my vantage point, there seems to be plenty of stories about brothers, the importance of brotherhood, and for some reason, not enough stories about sisters. I could argue the relationship between a brother and a sister is a very special one, definitely for me, and this is simply a reflection of what my sister means to me. Before I delve any further, here’s a housekeeping rule for you to fully understand what I am saying - In Bali Nyonga, we refer to our elders with the prefixes “Ni” or “Ma” as a sign of respect e.g.: Ni Michael, Ma Helen, etc… and today, ladies and gentlemen, is all about Ma Nina, my elder sister.

Somehow, her friends, and some of my friends, assume she’s my younger sister, and I believe my voice, height, and beard have fooled our friends. Ma Nina is 8 years my elder, but she also reminds me that between us, she feels like I am the older sibling, partly because of the physique and the way I sometimes behave socially. This feedback about a perceived level of maturity is all thanks to her.

I’ve always been curious about the way the world worked, and she took it upon herself to create space for me to explore and be inquisitive about my environment. She definitely taught me everything about being cool. I’m the only child who wasn’t lucky enough (lol) to attend boarding school, but when Ma Nina returned from school for holidays, she had the most interesting stories about her experience there. It was a novel world to someone like me, a product of private institutions. As you know, football has a special place in my heart, but my sister introduced me to P-square because in their song “Temptation” they name-drop my favorite football player, Ronaldinho. I remember her being excited to put me onto their music because of my attachment to football – How considerate? I was the coolest kid at parties because she taught me how to dance, and we would practice our choreography in the kitchen, imagining how we would show out on the dancefloor. What a time!

I am a die-hard Dragon Ball Z fan, and when I was younger, I frequently fantasized about transforming into an ape during a full moon like Goku. Once, I confessed my secret fantasy to her, and she informed me that humans actually have a tail, it’s called the tailbone, and we argued about it until she brought out her biology textbook to show a sketch of a fetus at 4-6 weeks with a tailbone that shrinks as it develops. I thought to myself that maybe all hope isn’t lost, maybe one day I will be able to transform into an ape like my counterparts from planet Namek. I remember in 3rd grade we hadn’t learned to multiply two-digit numbers by two-digit numbers, and that summer break before 4th grade, she taught me that arithmetical concept against my will. You see, the summer was for football with my friends, and when she suggested teaching me this, I was perplexed. At the same time, I intuitively sensed that this must be important enough for her to sit down and teach me. Besides, I also wanted to impress my teachers in 4th grade (Yes, I know, I am never beating the Nerd allegations, and I am at peace with it). Back when she was a Beyoncé fan – the song “If I were a boy” just released and I was convinced that grammar was wrong, because first person singular conjugates to “I was”, but Ma Nina explained me the concept of hypotheticals, and I found it so impressive to personally know someone who had answers to all my queries.

I have a zillion stories about my sister. Spending time with her in the bay recently was a great reminder that our parents really had the same child 3 times, which I find very cool, interesting, and weird at the same time. On my birthday this year, when she called me to wish me a happy birthday, she had so many sweet words for me I didn’t know what to do with myself. She always tells me how thankful she is to have me in her life, but really, I am the privileged one to have her in my life. She protected me and made space for me to chase any idiosyncrasy I desired because I had her to keep me in line, and I’ve always believed that what I have in this world more than other people is my relationship with her. Everything I do that can be considered admirable is really because of her. Ma Nina is the epitome of “beautiful inside out” because she’s intelligent, considerate, and extremely courageous.

She wrote me a letter when I moved here for college, telling me how she always felt responsible for me and gave me all these very useful tips on finding my path in life. I can’t remember exactly when the tables turned, but they did, and today, I feel tremendous responsibility for her. Perhaps that’s the patriarchy talking, but I know she doesn’t mind. I also know she’s fully capable of making the right choices in her life. Indeed, we all enjoy using our agency through self-exploration while subconsciously being aware we have people we can turn to when we feel stuck, and I can only hope I am one of those people for her. Family really shapes the way we perceive reality for the rest of our lives. The more I learn about the world, the more I realize that this kind of relationship, where we share a mutual understanding and care for one another, even in a family, is not given.

May we continue to find the effort within us to pour into our sibling bond to grow even closer.

Until next time,

-Flacko.